I recently made a connection between my expectations of the holidays and my stress level leading up to "The Day". Growing up, The expectation wast to "out-do" the previous year. Not only that, but it represented a years worth of love. In other words, your gift(s) represented how much you were loved and appreciated that year.
For example, I remember one Christmas morning when the gifts filled half the room! Presents were pouring out from under the tree. I was so excited to see which one of those gifts were the thing I was longing for. Well, to my disappointment, my "Perfect Gift" wasn't there. Had Santa forgotten? Did he not get the message of what I truly wanted? Was I not on the "Nice" list? Yah, THAT must be it! I was on the "Naughty" list for being mean to my sister, lying to my parents, not cleaning my room.
I caught myself thinking about those same things as an adult. Why didn't anyone get me what I truly wanted? Why didn't they just "know" what I wanted? If they were paying attention, they would know and I wouldn't have to give them a list.
It also showed up in how I gave gifts. I made sure everyone knew how much I loved them. That I "knew" them so well, I didn't need a list. But every year, there was disappointment that I didn't receive what I thought was a gift I deserved. I worked hard all year to show my family love, the least they could do is show their appreciation and love for me once a year!
That's when it hit me... I was expecting a year's worth of love and appreciation in one day. When I really thought about it, they showed that throughout the year but I wasn't receiving it. I wasn't accepting their shows of affection, love, thanks on the daily and was resentful when they didn't come through on Christmas morning.
Now that I am more aware of this, I make it a habit to receive their notes, texts, snuggles, hugs, gestures, compliments, thank you's, throughout the year and my expectations on Christmas morning aren't as high. I can now enjoy the holidays with less stress, less disappointment and less resentment which is a gift in itself.
To help you do the work of self-awareness and make this holiday season the best ever, learn about how each Enneagram type gets triggered, a lesson to learn and a practical way to change the way you see this holiday season.
If you don't know your type, take this FREE Enneagram Test to find out.
Surviving the Holidays
Trigger
Things won't go as planned. Your ideal holiday isn't lining up with reality.
Teachable Moment
Lower your expectations and when you are feeling critical, take a break and do something fun.
Take away
You are an amazing example of being responsible, honest and reliable! Those characteristics are way more important than perfection.
Trigger
Everyone seems to need emotional support right
now. there are
too many people to help.
Teachable moment
You are warm, likable and supportive. People actually want you in their lives.
You don't have to show up every time or
every where to be loved.
Take away
While this may feel like your time to shine,
be aware of
what other people are asking from you vs. what they are willing to give. You don't have to show up for everyone.
Trigger
You worry that with all the uncertainty, you will disappoint everyone and
this season
will be a failure.
Teachable moment
Be honest with yourself and others about how you are feeling.
Ask for help and get creative.
Take away
Your gift of encouragement is needed right now. People will remember how you make them feel more than what you have achieved.
Trigger
Focusing on what is missing or who is being left out
will make you very emotional.
Teachable Moment
This is a great time for you to help others dive deep into
discovering they're uniqueness.
Use your warmth, compassion, and courage to support others
in being who they want to be
Take Away
This is your time to shine.
Help others become comfortable navigating all the emotions
they are experiencing right now.
Trigger
You may be on information overloadright now.
Everyone's emotions are running high.
Teachable Moment
This is an opportunity to use your patience and attentiveness
and to share your knowledge.
Your steadiness is needed right now.
Take Away
You are great at pulling back and seeing the big picture.
This is a great opportunity for you to remind others
of the true meaning of the season .
Trigger
Oh the anxiety!
You struggle with wanting things back to normal and protecting your family.
The "what if" list has never been longer.
Teachable Moment
Consider getting your worries on paper in the morning
then go for a walk, read something encouraging, clear your mind.
Take Away
Your humor and dependability is such a rock for so many people.
It is going to more import and now more than ever
for you take care of yourself and stay in a positive space.
Trigger
You are feeling trapped and frustrated because it seems impossible to escape all the negativity right now. No one likes how things are! Why can't people just see the positives in the situation? Teachable Moment Be aware of how frustrated you get with others who are pessimistic or frustrated. Not everyone carries your joy as easily as you do! It's ok for others not to be ok! Take Away Your super power is your ability to find the joy in all situations! This is the perfect time to look for and share that joy.
Trigger
You are likely getting sick of making adjustments and
being patient with everything going on.
Your anger can often be directed at the wrong person.
Teachable Moment
Slow down and try gathering info
before reacting quickly.
Listen to hear instead of to solve a problem.
Take Away
You are known for your endless energy and contageous spirit.
Keeping the anger under control is going to be the key for your
big personality.
Whether you are angry or enthusiastic, you wear it on your sleeve!
Remember how powerful you are and use it for good!
Trigger
You may have spent a lot of time the last few weeks checked out.
Avoiding the details of the holidays seemed easier at the time,
but now you are scrambling to figure things out.
Teachable Moment
Don't waste more time beating yourself up for putting things off.
Becoming aware is the name of the game!
Imperfect action is better than procrastination.
Take Away
You are known for being easygoing and a soft place to land for others.
Give yourself some grace and be the same support in your own self-talk.