top of page

What does mustard have to do with living your truth?

Updated: Nov 6, 2022

I remember as a child, my mother would have every spice in her cabinet. She was a great cook and always made something delicious with those secret ingredients she kept in the spice cabinet. There was cinnamon, garlic, and thyme. But there was one spicy spice I was afraid of, dry mustard. This particular container was in a yellow tin and not a glass jar like the others. She would use it in her egg salad, potato salad a tuna. But it wasn't too spicy or overpowering. So why was I afraid of it? It was when she would open that cabinet when she wasn't cooking and I was standing in front of her with tears running down my face. I was caught in a lie. Now before you go calling CPS for something my mom did over 45 years ago, hear me out. She was doing her best with what she had. She thought that having me hold a spoonful of dry mustard in my mouth for what seemed like an hour would keep me from lying to her, again. You see, I had a habit of covering up my wrongdoings, accidents, and mistakes with lies. I was afraid that if the truth came out, I would be punished, I would be rejected, and I wouldn't be loved. So I lied.

The truth was, the lies made things worse. I broke trust and was under her watching eye of my every move. This made me lie even more. I got good at hiding what I was doing. By high school, I became an expert. I had everyone deceived into thinking I was a good girl, shy, and innocent who could never do anything wrong. Well, so they thought. If people ever found out the things I did, they wouldn't believe it. I had everyone fooled, even myself.