The first time I met my hubby, I laughed when I found out his name. So did he! You guessed it, his name is Aaron. Not to be confused with Erin. It's pronounced the same but spelled differently. People always ask if it ever gets confusing for us. It never does! It's confusing for other people but not for us. In fact, we rarely call each other by our first name. We have some of those cute pet names for each other. Our kids even think we should get them tattooed. Other people get confused when they don't know which Aaron/Erin they need to talk to or how to address us. Even some of our best friends call us "Mr. Aaron and Mrs. Erin" or "Boy Aaron and Girl Erin." As confusing as our names may be, we don't get confused. My recent blog post "How Can You Tell if You Are Being Duped" led to a great discussion between my hubby and me. After he read about my teaching about how to determine if what you are believing is actually true, he made this observation that led to an in-depth discussion. He said "So everyone's truth is different? Doesn't there need to be a universal truth?" I knew where this was coming from. He is an Enneagram Type 5 and needs to know all the facts. But TRUTH and FACTS are not always the same.
Truth is subjective. It is what we believe but not necessarily factual. Facts are proven and there is evidence. And it's universal. For example, one of the litmus tests I use to determine if something is true it needs to be applied by asking the questions like. "Is what I'm believing REAL and based in reality?" "Is this observable or is it opinion?" Or to get real practical, "Is it true for the single mom in Haiti?" Then it's true. Truth is based in belief and include facts.
The sky is blue. I live in America. I have been married for 30 years. I am a mom to 4 daughters. I am 52 years old. These are facts. You can choose to believe it or not. But for you to believe it to be true, you would need proof. Like birth certificates and a marriage license. But what happens when you don't have proof but believe it to be true? That's where it gets fuzzy. For example, I believe everyone is worthy of love. Not many would disagree with that but how it plays out in life looks different. There are different kinds of love. There are different expressions of love. There are different degrees of love. There was a book written about five different love languages after all.
In order for something to be true, there need to be facts. But what if you don't have all the facts? What if you believe something that isn't true? How do you know if you are believing a lie? What if you receive more information and what you have believed, changes and you change your mind?
As I write this, I'm even getting confused about how this all works. All I can say is that confusion is a sign that you don't have clear information or you are not being told the truth.
When you feel confused, look for these signals that cue you into being misled. Then ask yourself if what you believe about the situation is true. Trust your gut, you know deep inside what is right. You will have a sense of freedom and confidence once you land on your truth.
1-Are you judging people for thinking or believing something different than you? Are you feeling judged?
2-Do you have a sense of pride that you have the only truth and push it on others?
3-Do you feel stuck? Are you withdrawing and avoiding confrontation?
4-Are you comparing yourself and trying to fit in? Are you finding yourself envious of what others have? Are your emotions out of control?
5-Are you afraid to make the wrong decision? Are you withdrawing from people and searching endlessly for the right answer?
6-Do you have increased anxiety? Is your body tense? Are you not able to trust?
7-Are you avoiding people or situations? Are you taking more risks than usual?
8-Do you have a need to control things? Are you arguing your point and don't feel understood?
9-Is anger present in the form of being passive-aggressive? Do you start to obsess about controlling?
Do any of these resonate? Can you think of a recent situation you have been in where you experienced any of these? Do you wish you could get better at detecting deceit and avoid confusion?
Just as there are signs that there is confusion and deceit in the air, there are solutions and strategies to identify the truth. I would love to come alongside you as you process and deconstruct the lies you may be believing and find the truth that will set you free. Contact me to set up a time to chat. I don't want you to be confused.
Author of Enneagram Guided Journals and Rediscovering You An Enneagram Typing Journal
Speaker to international organizations, universities, colleges, churches, non-profits, retreats, conferences, podcasts, webinars, and hundreds of women's groups around the U.S.
Life Coach for women in leadership who want to rediscover the leader within.